One

There’s just some things in life that will forever be engrained in my mind. 

Scott and I had just gotten to my grandmother’s house on a rainy May day where we and several other family members were gathering to eat supper.  My grandfather had passed away two days before, and sweet ladies of all ages from their church had loaded her kitchen table with varieties of homemade casseroles, cakes, and pastries.  As everyone reached for a Chinet plate and made a bee-line for the table, I sat quietly in my seat, wishing the lingering nauseous feeling in my stomach would go away.

I like food.  But even the mere sight of the sea of Pyrex dishes made me want to run to the bathroom.  What was wrong with me?

After visiting for several hours, Scott and I decided to head home.  We were newlyweds with a new (to me) house and new responsibilities, and we enjoyed this newness of life together---just the two of us.  As we small talked and made our way down Coliseum Boulevard, I looked up in time to see a CVS sign just ahead.  And it hit me like a ton of bricks out of nowhere: I wasn’t P R E G N A N T, was I?! 

“Pull up in there, Scott.  I need to get something real quick.”

Several positive pregnancy tests and $60.00 later, we were rid of our denial that, indeed, I was pregnant.  I don’t even think words can adequately describe how I felt: fear, excitement, baffle, nervousness, nauseous-ness.  My mind was like a pinball machine.

Everyone said we should wait at least a year before trying to have kids!  Are people going to think we got pregnant before we were married?!  Has Scott ever changed a diaper?  We’re still paying off student loans!  I don’t know how to potty train someone!  What doctor am I going to use?  BREASTFEEDING…yikes!

The next day, we decided we’d meet at the house during lunch to take one more pregnancy test.  You know, just to make sure.

And the rest was history.  Our precious honeymoon baby was born nine months and 4 days after we said “I do.”  We couldn’t have been more thrilled.

Samuel Ingle Dudley, 3:01 P.M. {birthing story here}

      

I know it’s cliché to say, but, truly, having a child opens a new window of understanding Christ’s love for His children, His love for those who have trusted in Him.  It’s true that having a child deepens our understanding of His love for us.

But even more than that, though, having a child has enlightened me of the depth of God’s love for His son.  Like the scriptures say, God’s love is the most perfect, purest love imaginable.  Deeper and wider than comprehension.  And not that it’s fathomable in it’s entirety, but even just tasting a drop of this ocean, now that I have a son of my own, leaves my mind racing and heart skipping.  There’s no words, really.  What a love.

And yet the bitter cup of God’s wrath that was reserved for me and for you to drink, God sent a holy, pure, blameless Lamb to drink instead.  The son He loved more than the human brain can understand, He willed to humiliate on behalf of mine and your sin.  The beloved Christ was made nothing---emptied of all rights and privileges of the glories of Heaven---to come to earth on our behalf.  “And the Lord has laid on him the iniquity of us all.” (Isaiah 53:6)

It’s hard to fully explain my love for our sweet baby.  It’s a “I’d-jump-in-front-of-a-train-for-you” kind of love, to say the least.  And, yet, it doesn’t even hold a candle to what the Author of love has for the Son.  It’s incomparable. 

I’m beyond thankful for the blessing of Sam.  Truly, his little life is a gift to me and Scott that we’re undeserving of.  But my hope is that he would grow to see parents who treasure Christ above all---even him.  We need a lot of grace.  Lots.     

Happy Birthday, sweet Sam.  May the Lord draw your heart near to Him and have mercy on your precious life as you grow.  We love you.